I was bullied as a child. For years. My father was physically domineering and aggressive, hit all three of us (mum and my brother as well as me) quite frequently and could be emotionally cold and distant. I lived with someone for five years and was with him for 8 and a half all told who was a control freak and afraid of commitment. (Thank goodness that he was.)

I have struggled with depression, anxiety and feelings of worthlessness and lack of confidence for most of my life. It seems, judging by some of the comments on the 5+stone board today, that I am not alone in that.

So. How did I change? Well, nine years ago I had eighteen weeks of therapy. It was meant to be grief counselling, but my counsellor realised I had some other deep-seated issues that I needed to address. Then about three years ago, a good friend suggested to me that I may have Asperger's Syndrome. I have a lot of the traits; I found the AQ and EQ diagnostic tests online and completed them. While they are not conclusive in and of themselves, in conjunction with a psychological assessment they can lead to a diagnosis.

My lovely Mum made me be outgoing. She lead by example. She would strike up a conversation with a random stranger, in a checkout line or waiting for a bus. She was unfailingly cheerful and positive, even though deep down she was probably really not very happy. She sacrificed her career because Dad wanted to start his own business, and worked alongside him. She hated every minute, but she went to work with a smile on her face and laughed a lot. She was brought up to believe that you supported your husband, and no matter how awful the marriage you stuck with it.

Bless her, she'd have been a lot better off all round if she'd just told him to sling his hook after my brother was born in 1977.

So, I'm sociable (when I want to be), outgoing, and according to the psychologist who did my AS assessment very likeable. Which means I don't have AS. I prefer to think that I've learned over 39 years to live with it, and have adapted to it. I am often described as cute and bubbly. Er, I am built like a brick outhouse and 5' 8 - I am not cute. As for bubbly...I overcompensate for feeling incredibly shy and awkward.

My job meant that I had to meet new people and deal with stressful situations. I had to be professional, understanding, listen to people and process a lot of complex information and turn it into easy to understand information for people without legal training, and often with a very low IQ or learning difficulties. I would routinely be in court three or four days a week, and have conferences with clients, or with other solicitors and/or barristers. You cannot sit in a corner and cringe away from everyone in those situations.

I had a bit of a meltdown in 2008. There was a lot of horrible stuff at work, and despite being not to blame I was made the scapegoat so that my horrible colleague couldn't sue the firm for constructive dismissal. It had been a rough two years; a redundancy, a move, gastric bypass surgery for my then-partner, a break up, and the death of my father in 2006 set me on a downward spiral once again.

(to be continued)